Everyone knows, for one to sail through tough times like this, one has
to stay positive, hope for the best. Do not think about dire
consequences or eventualities.
Something, which is very easily said than done ! Every well wisher, visiting me repeats it "Stay positive - fight it out !"
Well.. I was thinking, "peace of cake" ! Just keep cracking the jokes, stay happy, isolate the pain in the head, ask questions about the plan, but do not expect any thing from it, etc.
It does work - with some gotchas ! And profound learning such as how some of the "vices" and "deplorable" thoughts can come handy in these conditions to take your mind off the negative track !!
Key causes of negativity that repeatedly made me depressed (especially when alone), and my real "selfish" thoughts to pull me out of the negativity -
Thought - This condition is completely earned by me and my bad habit. I am an aware person. I knew tobacco chewing can cause cancer. I knew what it means. Why did I get hooked ???
Counter Thought - Lots of people go through worse, where they do not find the cause why it happened to them ? Is it not better at least I know the root cause ?
Thought - Feel so guilty looking at my wife, working 24x7, taking care of me, the kids the house. Dealing with the feelings of uncertainty ! I am so helpless ! Kids have secured worst ever grades in the exam and no attention have been paid during this time.
Counter Thought - Assuming the treatment goes on for 10 weeks total, its is 10 weeks out of 16 yrs of marriage. And in the 16 yrs, I ve done more than enough to keep my wife / family happy. No need to feel guilty. No one is guaranteed to have a 100% happy life. Should not be expected too.
Bad News - The day I got the MRI report, I also got a very bad and depressing news. My wife's cousin sister's husband, all of 34 yrs of age, suddenly passed away while being air lifted to Mumbai. Diagnosed with Blood cancer. No bad habit. Very clean person. Very brilliant IIT grad and with a small baby. All of a sudden. That's the dark spell of cancer.
Counter Thought - Well ! Two son-in-laws of one family just can not die together. May be it happened to clear the counter. I am safe !! Yes.. no other way to maintain positivity when you have your own cancer report in hand and you hear your relative, younger than you dieing of it.
Bad News - My closest friends mom, at the age of 65 went through cancer surgery and chemo last year and recovered fine. All check ups look great. It was a positive news for me, as it gave confidence to me that this thing is really curable. But 20th Post OP, day I got a call that she is being taken in to hospital again, as the tumors showed up somewhere else and grown to a size of a golf ball already, irrespective of regular check ups. This can induce real bad thoughts. Whats the point of going through so many treatments, if this thing comes back any way ?
Counter Thought - Well not much for this one ! More in line of, I am more prepared with the right team of doctors, and co-designing the treatment and check up schedule to make sure, it does not recur.
Bottom-line is, going through this journey, needs a lot of positive thinking. But even positive thinking is not going to be easy as the spirit that aids it will be shaken by news and events that will happen when you do not expect to hear any of that. The spirit will be shaken by your own sense of guilt, and helplessness. Spirit will be stirred because you causing pain to people you love.
And, bringing back the focus back on to self, helps !
I can go back to my self-less self, when (not if) its all good ! Soon !!
Something, which is very easily said than done ! Every well wisher, visiting me repeats it "Stay positive - fight it out !"
Well.. I was thinking, "peace of cake" ! Just keep cracking the jokes, stay happy, isolate the pain in the head, ask questions about the plan, but do not expect any thing from it, etc.
It does work - with some gotchas ! And profound learning such as how some of the "vices" and "deplorable" thoughts can come handy in these conditions to take your mind off the negative track !!
Key causes of negativity that repeatedly made me depressed (especially when alone), and my real "selfish" thoughts to pull me out of the negativity -
Thought - This condition is completely earned by me and my bad habit. I am an aware person. I knew tobacco chewing can cause cancer. I knew what it means. Why did I get hooked ???
Counter Thought - Lots of people go through worse, where they do not find the cause why it happened to them ? Is it not better at least I know the root cause ?
Thought - Feel so guilty looking at my wife, working 24x7, taking care of me, the kids the house. Dealing with the feelings of uncertainty ! I am so helpless ! Kids have secured worst ever grades in the exam and no attention have been paid during this time.
Counter Thought - Assuming the treatment goes on for 10 weeks total, its is 10 weeks out of 16 yrs of marriage. And in the 16 yrs, I ve done more than enough to keep my wife / family happy. No need to feel guilty. No one is guaranteed to have a 100% happy life. Should not be expected too.
Bad News - The day I got the MRI report, I also got a very bad and depressing news. My wife's cousin sister's husband, all of 34 yrs of age, suddenly passed away while being air lifted to Mumbai. Diagnosed with Blood cancer. No bad habit. Very clean person. Very brilliant IIT grad and with a small baby. All of a sudden. That's the dark spell of cancer.
Counter Thought - Well ! Two son-in-laws of one family just can not die together. May be it happened to clear the counter. I am safe !! Yes.. no other way to maintain positivity when you have your own cancer report in hand and you hear your relative, younger than you dieing of it.
Bad News - My closest friends mom, at the age of 65 went through cancer surgery and chemo last year and recovered fine. All check ups look great. It was a positive news for me, as it gave confidence to me that this thing is really curable. But 20th Post OP, day I got a call that she is being taken in to hospital again, as the tumors showed up somewhere else and grown to a size of a golf ball already, irrespective of regular check ups. This can induce real bad thoughts. Whats the point of going through so many treatments, if this thing comes back any way ?
Counter Thought - Well not much for this one ! More in line of, I am more prepared with the right team of doctors, and co-designing the treatment and check up schedule to make sure, it does not recur.
Bottom-line is, going through this journey, needs a lot of positive thinking. But even positive thinking is not going to be easy as the spirit that aids it will be shaken by news and events that will happen when you do not expect to hear any of that. The spirit will be shaken by your own sense of guilt, and helplessness. Spirit will be stirred because you causing pain to people you love.
And, bringing back the focus back on to self, helps !
I can go back to my self-less self, when (not if) its all good ! Soon !!
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